2010-The days are growing dramatically shorter, three and four minutes a day. A week ago the sun hit the deck early enough in the morning for me to do my yoga out there. Now it stays shady until later. I noticed the sun setting halfway to its winter position where I guess is just where it should be at the equinox. With this strong sense of the sun fading away, in strength as well as duration, it was marvelous to have the chance to meditate in my old chair in the middle of the lawn. As the sun grew stronger, I let it soak right into me as much as I could as if trying to hold it there inside through the winter, until it comes back. In the same way I have been visualizing the breath as waves and experiencing meditation as a period of just sitting by the ocean. Today it came to me to try to watch the thoughts with the same sense of expectation that I used to feel at the movies. Why not enjoy them going by? In fact why not enjoy meditation physically as well, the relaxation and happiness of letting go? I think I have been trying too hard.
2011- The applesauce proved tasteless, though it made good tea bread. Yesterday the day exactly equaled the night, today is four minutes less. And so? I’m not sure I’m not looking forward to winter. How strange.
The best part of the day has been the early morning and the time just after sunset. The colors are intensified-the dying plants and the skies- the light is refracted through mist, and a heavy silence presses everything down. I recognize feeling though some kind of crust separates me from it. Is it just a need to cry?
Old colors condense;
Concentrating autumn reds,
Fill my glass again.
2012- A heavy rain followed by a forecast of clouds for the next few days which means having to turn the lights on in the kitchen while processing chestnuts and dyeing wool. The flock of blue jays return from time to time adding a festive blue that really sets off the autumn palette. The trees are turning but seem somewhat behind if they’re to reach peak by Columbus weekend. The maple in front is just going yellow and the most dramatic touch is the crimson Virginia creeper vines snaking up the trees like red exclamation points. I am going to make tinctures of chicory flowers, purple loosestrife and common wormwood(Artemisia vulgaris) to combine in a third eye opening elixir ala Susan Weed. Apparently it should only be used once. Then what are you supposed do after having ‘seen’? I would like to lay myself out in the grass and just invite the fairies to carry me away.
The hummingbirds are definitely gone though I did see a monarch the day before yesterday.
2013-It occurs to me to write that the trees are coloring up intensely this year and seem early. Yet at this same time last year I felt they were late. Is the difference really only inside me?
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